Category Archives: Scooters

Hypothermic Love

Slowly but surely, it is coming. Like the end of the episode while watching the Office, you don’t want it to arrive, but it always does. Winter happens every year and there is nothing we can do to stop it. I used to like winter. When I was heavy into snowboarding (most of my K-12 education) winter was looked forward to. But ever since I got the MINI, and now the scoot especially, winter means one thing; a lack of traction. Icy roads are annoying.

I don’t mind the cold so much. As you all know, I lived in Alaska for awhile. Ever since then Utah’s coldest still feels like t-shirt weather. The fact that your vehicle could slam into another at any moment with no fault of your own is what really gets me. 
I’ve continued to ride my scooter in the cold because it is fun. I don’t mind that it makes your hands stay in a claw shape after you arrive at your destination. I feel that it is a kind of tough love that my scooter shows me. I get to have a fun, zippy ride, and the scooter gets to keep its oil rushing through its veins. It’s win-win.
Let’s veto winter. If all of us continue to wear shorts and flip flops, I think nature should get the idea. 

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PROVOPHENIA!

I recently had the opportunity to partake in one of the few events that truly define a lifetime. Many souls gathered to pay homage to the Gods of Lambretta and Piaggio. There were victories, failures, wipeouts, and failed spark plugs. I am talking, of course, about the yearly Provophenia scooter rally! This year, in respect for the Olympics being held in China, and the amount of crappy, $800 dollar scooters with plastic engines flooding the market, we held the Chinese scooter Olympics. We had chinese food, custom fortune cookies with Engrish fortunes, and events such as the piston throw, and wheel discus. We even had a torch, which I will cover later.

First off however, here are some testimonials about the event:

“We have a great riding a scooter. Everybody is happy about the injury and the not having.”

“First you have oil, then not explode for dying.”

As you can tell, everyone who was involved had a wonderful time. Here is a rundown of what we did. On Friday night we all gathered for a ride down Provo canyon, and up through Alpine loop. We had around 20 scooters, all with their own distinct personalities. From “Julia,” the army green Stella with an Ultra-Mobile laptop mounted to her handlebars, or Lees whale and soup colored Vespa.
We had about as good of weather as we could have expected from September. Clear, but a little chilly. The ride went without at hitch for the most part, though I heard that someone fell around a bend, but I never heard who or how. As we came out of the canyon, we headed through Alpine and went on our way back home. We stopped at JCW’s restaurant for some food first. The place was packed, and that was before we got there! So needless to say, when a giant scooter gang showed up hungry, the employees were less than thrilled. On the way back, we didn’t stay together as a group as much, and Natalie and I were with just a couple of Scooter Lounge employees on their modded scoots. It was great, coming back from a 50’s style diner with a couple of growly scoots, blasting through the small towns in the darkness, I felt as if I were part of a gang of greasers who happened to have chosen Italy to manufacture their hogs.

The next day was the beginning of the Olympic portion. We all met at the Scooter Lounge to begin the day. First we washed our scooters, to prepare us for the beauty contest where awards such as “most likely to break in two” and “best/worst accessory” were given out. Then we had a meal of Chinese take-out provided by the Lounge. Custom fortune cookies were provided with Engrish fortunes containing gems like “Drink and ride scooter naked for syphilis in thigh junction.” Truly inspiring. At that time we departed. A giant gaggle of scooters zipping down state street gets looks to say the least. We ended up traveling through Springville, and then shooting west to go through some farm pecked landscape, and finally to ride right next to Utah lake with orchards on our other side. It was amazing.

As we arrived at our pre-designated spot, the torch was carried in a noble fashion, to its final resting place, a “sport-s#!* 150cc” as the lounge likes to call it, Chinese scooter. It burned as many other chinese scooters have done before unintentionally.
At this time, we began the events. The wheel/discus throw was a favorite, as the bigger guys in the 150cc class hurled their 10″ scooter tires across the desert. We were supposed to have a ghost riding competition, where we were to see how far we could make a crappy chinese scooter drive after we hopped off, but we ended up just wrecking them. We did a little bit of freestyle maneuvers, but ended up crashing them into one another and enjoying the carnage as their brothers-in-parts burned in the background. After gift cards were rewarded, we cleaned up and began the trek back. We took the long way however and went through Salem, and Payson. We stopped at the Hare Krishna festival at the Krishna Temple. There we saw Indian women singing in very high voices, and chanted along with drums and other instruments which I don’t know their names “Hare Hare rama rama Hare Krishna Rama rama” for what seemed like forever. As an interesting turn of events, one Matthew Showalter was spotted and greeted at the event, apparently there for a school project. We then hopped on our scooters for the ride back . Boo got some shots of us using his old school high-8 video camera, which clicks as every individual frame is captured on the 3min 20s reel of film. Dave got a bee in his helmet, and got stung and as he took it off it fell and bounced down the road. As a whole, it was a highly successful rally. Fun was had with blue smoke, white-wall tires and red-handed scooter enthusiasts cruising around Utah county, sorta up to no good.

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