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The Art, the Passion, the Ninja.

Here are a couple reasons why Ninja are the greatest.

Stealth– Sure, pirates are cool, but you usually smell them long before you get shot by their pistol or skewered with their sword. If a Ninja kills you, you think that there might be a slight breeze when all of the sudden all 4 of your limbs are simultaneously severed from your body with flying stars.
Concealed Identity– What good is an assassin if they can be tracked down? I’m sure that mobsters get their houses egged all the time because they kill people, but I know one thing for sure, Ninjas don’t. That reminds me of my next point:
They don’t sleep– And if they do for some reason, their nunchucks are continually spinning so that if someone (another Ninja) tries to attack them, the attackers kneecaps fly across the room.

Silence– If Ninja were to talk about all the people they killed, they would have to assassinate you. This would be start a deadly pattern where the entire world would be smitten with a plague of unstoppable, totally awesome ninjas. This would no doubt be excellent, but you wouldn’t be alive to enjoy it.

Dress– All black. Ninja travel alone and in packs, but you can never tell because people usually mistake them for darkness. In fact, when you go out to your car at night, there is a 96% chance that you are outnumbered by Ninja within your direct proximity or “kill zone”.

Weapon Mastery– When a Ninja is born they are given a

weapon that they will use throughout the rest of their first year of life. They are expected to master it. On their first birthday, they are thrust into training by having a constant stream of samurai come against them for them to kill for the next 17 years. After that point their killing is done for honor rather than training, though the number of victims does not diminish.


Speed– In the 0.12 seconds it took you to read the word “speed”, a ninja broke into your house, evaluated whether you need to die based on your good deeds, and either killed or spared you. If you are still reading this, you may want check to see if your jugular vien is intact.


I hope that has been educational. Deadly, educational.
PS I’m sorry you don’t have a Ninja house Derek.

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