Afghan Map– 6 United States Marines were killed today in what officials are calling a “small oversight” in reading radar. Apparently the soldier who called in the airstrike mistakenly placed the cursor above the green dots indicating his teammates’ location rather than away from them.

One of the Marines fighting with the fallen soldiers speculates: “We wouldn’t have had a problem if this was a Team Deathmatch or even Domination, but this is Hardcore Team Deathmatch, and here, well, friendly-fire counts.”

Reports from those familiar with the incident say that the harrier airstrike was actually not a direct result of a 7-kill spree, but was apparently acquired through a care package received by virtue of only a 4-kill streak. This was likely the reason that the mistake occurred. The young Marine, known only as MaDSKillZ500, was called a “noob” by his teammates in response to the mistake. In his defense, he promptly replied in a high-pitched voice, muffled due to improper microphone placement, “Ya’ll are a bunch of f***ing f**s. My ratio is positive and I don’t give a f*** what you say.

Although the men promptly respawned, some had to wait more than 10 seconds; valuable time which could have been spent setting up a sentry gun near the entrance of one of the various bunkers in the area. Level 70 fighter, Zanderbot, of the [(.)(.)] clan thought the event “small in comparison” to the other things he has seen in the past.

“I remember the days before the javelin glitch was patched. I’m just glad that we were able to get 7500 points before the enemy did. We had a great victory in the face of tragedy.”


1 Comment

Filed under Fake News, Geek Stuff, Satire


  1. Britton

    You really, really need to write for the Onion.

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