3192158131_1882d90c1aTACOMA, WA- In what can only be described as a once in a lifetime opportunity, local 15-year old Jaime Allen discovered a song which accurately portrays her current relationship using vague generalities and simple metaphors.

“I was in my room thinking about Josh when the radio like totally started playing this song that I swear was written about me.”

The aforementioned song was pop-superstar Kelly Clarkson’s elegant masterpiece “My Life Would Suck Without You.” Most likely written in shorthand in a small notebook amidst a time of deep reflection in the artist’s life, this song has been found to accurately describe the feelings of the Washington teen.

“Maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye
Maybe I was wrong for tryin’ to pick a fight
I know that I’ve got issues
But you’re pretty messed up too”

Pondering these profound words Jaime stated,”Josh and I have been having some problems because I kissed his friend to get back at him for going mini golfing with Kate. This song helped me realize that maybe we can work through it.”

It is not known what the chances are for this happening, though scientists at CERN are placing them around 1 in 2. With only a 50% chance of a pop song applying to her life, Jaime is counting her lucky stars that she was listening to the radio at that moment.

Prior to spontaneously erupting into her drill team dance routine, Jaime added, “I’m just glad that some people still write good music. My brother listens to some group called Bob Dylan and I can’t even understand it.”



Filed under Fake News


  1. Scientists at CERN?! That is priceless.

  2. Priceless, indeed.

    This is hilarious.

  3. Pleated Jeans

    I concur. Very funny.

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