LANGLEY, VA – Officials for NASA made an announcement today, amidst growing economic tension and questions concerning where Government funds have been spent, that NASA is merely the name for a giant slug that sustains itself on crisp $100 bills.
“We wanted to set the record straight” said Chief Engineer Bill Rooney, “we have received some reports that people believe we are responsible for space exploration.”
Experts say that despite the reality TV show Star Trek having chronicled the adventures of the USS Enterprise and its crew for the past few decades, people still don’t understand where their tax dollars are going. This is the troubling news which prompted the announcement today.
“Our biggest priority right now is maintaining the life of the vicious slug-monster that currently resides beneath the White House in a dungeon called Guantanamo Bay II. Second to that is providing slick stainless steel writing instruments for the consumer market” says Ryan Williams, NASA Administrator of Money Hefting.
Citizens of this country have also been quick to forget the many other things their billions and billions in tax money has brought them, say the spokespeople for the organization. “The sheer amount of polymers and fabrics alone (including material now used for mattresses) is vindication of the incredibly bloated budget that NASA now retains.
“Times have been tough lately though. We have had less time to invent products for infomercials as the monster is sleeping less lately due to hunger pains. It really is a tough time for everyone, including the horrible, horrible beast that consumes most of our budget.” says Mr. Williams.
“We would love to explore space with expensive rockets, contributing to society with useful things like colorful pictures of galaxies, but it isn’t possible right now with the cutbacks.”
NASA failed to comment as to why they retain the name: The National Aeronautics and Space Administration, as it tends to be quite misleading in some people’s opinion.